Getting out the Door in the Morning with a Strong-Willed Child

It seems that school mornings are a tough time for all Sioux Falls families, but if you have a strong-willed child, your mornings can be especially rough. At Encompass Mental Health, we hear from parents every week who say the morning routine feels like a broken record.

You’ve already gone through the checklist—breakfast, clothes, teeth—yet there he is, tucked under the covers like he didn't hear a word. Or worse, he’s hyper-focused on a device he wasn't supposed to touch in the first place. By your fifth trip down the hallway, your calm reminders have officially shifted into desperate pleas. How many times does one person need to be told to put on socks? Why is a video game taking priority over the fact that we’re already late for school? You’d think by now the routine would be second nature, yet every morning feels like Groundhog Day.

Wouldn’t it be Nice if the Morning Looked Different?

Over the past few years, our team in Sioux Falls has created a guide for parents to help them navigate difficult experiences, like getting out the door or listening during an emergency—when talking through their opinion just doesn’t make any logical sense. I want to share a few tips from this guide that you can use to help your morning routine go smoother, so both you and your child have a more positive, pleasant experience.

3 Tips to Help Strong-Willed Children Through the Morning Routine

You can transform your morning chaos into a functional routine with just a few intentional shifts. These changes help your family get out the door without constant power struggles.

1. Use “The Preview Technique”

An easier way to get out the door is to utilize The Preview Technique. This helps you and your child get into the habit of discussing what the morning routine will look like from both your perspectives. It also identifies what might happen if this routine isn't upheld (think natural consequences).

When talking about consequences, keep yourself out of it. Instead of saying, “If you don’t get out of bed I am taking the iPad,” say something that places your child in control: “If you don’t get out of bed soon, there won’t be enough time for iPad before we leave for the day”. An essential element of success is asking for his perspective instead of just focusing on what you think is right. He needs to have a say in what a “successful” morning looks like.

2. Don’t Forget to Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings

I know it is hard during the busy Sioux Falls morning rush to take a step back and recognize what is bothering your child. However, if you give a list of commands and expect immediate compliance without any acknowledgment of their feelings, you are now in a full-blown power struggle.

Before urging your child on, acknowledge the need contributing to their lack of compliance—maybe they are feeling too tired, missing you because you worked late, or dreading a substitute teacher. While acknowledgment doesn't guarantee immediate compliance, it is usually the first step in getting your child moving.

3. Implement Natural Consequences with Empathy

Implementing consequences needs to be done strategically so they don't derail the entire morning into tantrums or refusal to leave. Try to send the message that you care about her feelings and don’t want the morning ruined for her by a consequence.

Instead of saying, “That’s it! I’m taking the tablet!”, try: “I know how much you love when we play together. With the way things are going, it doesn't seem like there’s going to be enough time. If you can get dressed quickly, we may still have a few minutes”. This gives her the choice to change her behavior to reach a more desired outcome.

Specialized Parenting Support in Sioux Falls

If you are looking for more tips on how to manage life at home, you can download a copy of my free guide: “The Busy Mom’s 9-Step Guide to Raising Kids Who Actually Want to Listen”.